Letter to 2010

i am completing a challenge for 2011....with a twist.

- Write a Love Letter to 2010

Challenge #28:

I do not have a love letter for 2010. I was coming out of the previous year full of pain, anger, and hurt. It was as though I had lost everything. It has been really, really hard on all levels. However, 2010 was a year of re-discovery, re-adjustments, re-adaptation, and healing. My proudest moment was being given the opportunity to go back to school and my favorite family moment was reconnecting with my father after not speaking for almost 10 years. My spirituality is what kept me sane throughout the past 2 years, and despite the fact that 2011 still has its challenges, I'm thankful for every step taken towards the destiny I'm meant to have.

Hustle

i am completing a challenge for 2011....with a twist.

- Start a Side hustle

Challenge #27:

Seeing that I don't have a job, I don't have a side hustle. However, if I would have one, it would most likely be doing hair or doing events.

Reflection time part 3

i am completing a challenge for 2011....with a twist.

- Reflect, Comment, and Connect


Challenge # 26:

- sounds weird but I don't have anything to report. (Will come back later to this)

• What was the most important thing you learned about yourself this week?
• What has been your favorite exercise so far? What did you like about it?
• Which exercise did you struggle with the most and why?

Complaining

i am completing a challenge for 2011....with a twist.

- Stop Complaining for 24 hours

Challenge #25:

Seeing I'm presently looking for a job, I definitely did complain. It was mostly frustration coming through but I guess that comes with the territory of being under stress. Hope I find something soon. Pray for me.

Ask or offer help

i am completing a challenge for 2011....with a twist.

- Ask for Help. Offer Help.

Challenge #24:

It is so funny how this challenge came right on time. I was suffering from chest pains this past week and went to the doctor. He said it was due to stress and I should find a way to relax. So after the checkup, I decided to take a walk to get my blood pumping, as my mom would say. As I'm walking near some stores, I happen to see a sale n thought to check it out. While looking at clothes for the little one, another mother n her child comes along to look at clothes too. The children start playing and we start talking. Long story short, she confessed that she spend too much money and it was causing trouble in her household. Well after sharing a few tips, she was able to save money on clothes. She was so thankful n so shocked that it was that simple. I kept saying that God will bring people together for a reason and how I hoped she would remember these tips. We exchanged numbers and went our separate ways. I got home feeling so happy n grateful that I was able to help someone else.

Support your goals

i am completing a challenge for 2011....with a twist.

- Find a Community to Supports Your Goals

Challenge #23:

Last year, I joined an organization which coaches people in build their own business but also helps you find a job if needed. They offer lots of workshops and meetings to further you along your goal. I took a break from them to pursue a project back in Oct but will be going back once this project is done.

In addition, I decided to create something else that I've been passionate about for a long time. Hopefully, with the help of meetup.com, I could take that thought and bring it to reality.

Negative people

i am completing a challenge for 2011....with a twist.

- Purge Negative People from your Life

Challenge #22:

I kinda chuckled when I saw this, seeing that for a long time, I was the one considered negative by my friends. Over a period of 10 years, I have lost very close people to my heart (both family and friends) and, to the tell you the truth, it really bothered me at first. I believed that it was a lack of understanding that caused them to view me that way. I didn't think I was negative seeing that I didn't talk bad about others, nor did I ever divert someone from telling their good news, etc. I had a different view of things that mostly pointed out both sides of the coin. Nevertheless, I decided to go through an emotional examination. Along with seeking help from different sources, both professionally and spiritually, I realized that I was suffering from a emotional deficiency that affected my mood and energy at different periods of my life. Once I realized that, and were able to pinpoint the triggers, it became easier to deal with life and my friends (those who stayed). Ultimately, I wasn't the one being negative and not having those people around me was the best thing for my life. I know that, not only everything happens for a reason, but that, those who mind (me) won't matter and those who matter won't mind (who I am).

Ditch TV

i am completing a challenge for 2011....with a twist.

- Ditch TV for 24 hours

Challenge #21:

This was pretty easy. 

When dealing with an energetic, creative, and spontaneous child, it was not a problem ditching the tv. It wasn't for 24 hours though but it lasted from wake up to sleep time.

Here are a few things we did (all in my tiny living room):

- Blew up a balloon n played volleyball

- Took empty paper towels rolls and played swords (I got killed a few times)

- Played 'Ring around the Rosie' n 'We're going to Kentucky' at least 10 times each

- Created kites out of Bristol boards

- Hide n Seek (I was the seeker)

We had, of course, eating, drinking, and bathroom breaks in between. 

Trust me when I say these things and more lasted ALL day. What?!! O_o

Reset project

i am completing a challenge for 2011....with a twist.

- Plan Your Reset Project

Challenge #20:

I'm not sure I understood what was expected here, so I wrote my thoughts of the moment. Also I felt it was hard to pick just one aspect to work on because I feel they all work together*

• Lifestyle• Work• Education• Finances• Health• Family• Relationships

How to Structure Your Reset Project

• Brief description of the project: 

What area of your life map did you choose to work on? Be specific.

 - I decided to work on the finances aspect of my life. Like I mentioned before, I don't like how my life is presently. Don't get me wrong; I am grateful for what I have seeing that it could have been worse. However, I know I could do better. Much better. It needs to start with my physical, emotional, mental, and of course, spiritual health. My belief is that if I'm not ok in these areas then I won't be 'capable' to exert my full potential. Unfortunately, I tend to be the type that if I can't do it at my 100 percent then I have trouble doing it. For example, the place I presently live in is not conducive to a healthy living, although that's what I could afford at the time of purchase. My apartment is small, dark, and cold (especially during the winter months). Unfortunately, my financial state is not any better so it's not like I could just get up and move. Also, the situation is affecting my child in ways not only I didn't expect but also wish didn't happen. So I am working on changing all that.

• Why the project was selected: How will this project help you get closer to your ideal life?

- I think it will help ease my concerns. In addition, I know what I deserve and my present living/financial conditions does not offer that. I'm not asking for a 6 bedroom house with a 10 acre field and 3 cars but at least a place where light can come in and enough room for me to cook in and a nice backyard for my child to play. Is that too much to ask?

• Goals: What do you hope to achieve?

- I guess working like a machine is what first comes to mind but I know it doesn't necessarily have to be that way. I honestly don't know. I just know that I'm tired of the constant worries and the stress that comes from being a single mother. I just want to be happy and at peace, as cliche as that sounds. I'm not expecting for them to completely disappear but at least to diminish. Right now I'm reading blogs (life coaches, businesses, motherhood) just to get ideas, and doing as much as I can with what I have.

• Results: How will you measure success?

- When I don't have to worry about being able to provide the necessities without having to sacrifice anything or anyone, especially my child, to get it. 

• Assistance/advice needed: What will you need to get your project completed or underway? How do you plan to get it?

- As of this moment, I have no clue. I just know that things have to change. Nothing is coming to mind as to what steps to do. I presently feel emotionally stuck.

Ironically, maybe money to pay a life coach to work side by side with me would help greatly. 

• Obstacles: What obstacles might you encounter and how do you plan to deal with them?

- I would say lack of knowledge and the confidence to apply what I know but also the belief that I can apply said knowledge.

• Next steps: What do you need to do now in order to see results within the next month?

- I believe I have everything already to do what I need to do but it's just not clicking. I guess I'm too focused on my lack of money and maybe my lack of confidence might have something to do with it.

Rant

*pls excuse how this comes out. i am really angry at the moment*

wow!! really? this is what is going on right now in the world. call me naive. call me sheltered. but where did all these women issues come from?? i mean really? since when? were they always there and we are just now being EXTREMELY vocal about them?? how is it that the more we speak about them, the more they seem to be an issue????? i thought that if you talked about an issue, then it would be the first step to finding a solution. my gosh, it just seems to be getting worse as the years go on...this is RIDICULOUS!!! im starting to feel as though people don't WANT to be helped. really women?? get it together!! im not asking for a perfect world, but my gosh...

ok, example: according to today's "standards", i would say im a brown complexion. i was called TAR BABY by my cousins on my mother's side when i was younger (they are light skinned), and did that affect me??? NOOOOOOOO!!!!! why? cause i knew i wasn't! cause i knew they were just being mean-spirited!! im not lying ya'll...it REALLY didn't affect me!! cause i would look in the mirror and think: well i don't see what they see, and so i kept it moving.....

another one: according to today's "standards", i have "good hair" (A TERM I ABSOLUTELY HATE....I FELT LIKE VOMITING JUST WRITING IT....im serious) did i feel any different or special because of my hair???? HELL NOOOOOOOOO!!!! my mom did my NATURAL hair until i was 12 then i took over till now, and yet, i am NOT an hair expert...the products we used back then are now considered very harmful, and now we are on the journey to discovering products helpful for our hair....even now, when i confront a sistah about helping her work towards healthier NATURAL hair, they bring up that STUPID TERM, and i blow up..i really do...i start letting them know that there is no such thing as g...h... and that they can also achieve beautiful healthy hair....arrrrgggghhhhhhh......

another one: weight....i was chubby when i was younger, and yet i ran faster and was more flexible than my "skinny" classmates....shm please....im not saying you have stay big, but like Dr. Oz says, KNOW YOUR NUMBERS (you expected weight in regards to your age and height),  and MAKE IT HAPPEN PEOPLE...BE HEALTHY....TOO MANY OF US ARE DYING OF PREVENTABLE DISEASES....

another one: light skinned vs dark skinned....oh man....this is the way I-I-I-I-I look at it....you can't help how you are born....you are still a child of GOD....and he LOVES YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE (thanks Bruno Mars :|) so embrace it, be proud, and make the best of what you have....i know, i know, easier said than done...but IT IS POSSIBLE!!!!!!

ALSO, YOU KNOW WHAT, THE MAJORITY ALWAYS WIN...soooooooooooooo, if WE women, as the MAJORITY in this world, can stop "talking" and get up and DO SOMETHING about it, then we WILL get what we want....
men in nature are people of action, they are logical beings and so they don't always just sit around waiting for things to happen, they get up and get it done....why can't we use our women's INTUITIONS to change our lives??? you KNOW that it NEVER FAILS YOU so why not TRUST it more often?? TRY LISTENING TO IT, YOU'LL SEE!!


im not gonna lie and say that im not affected by some of these issues as well, but reading so many blogs about what is going on, and the voices trying to reach out to our community...why are we being stubborn and NOT listening to those voices?? and then we go back and "complain" that things are not changing....WE HAVE IT IN US TO CHANGE THESE SITUATIONS, SO WHY ARE NOT DOING IT???

im tired of this...im tired of feeling like this...im tired of knowing that we CAN do something and there are a LOT of women still willing to stay in the dark and not LISTENING to their instincts!!
trust me when i say, YOU INSTINCTS WILL NOT STEER YOU WRONG!! NEVER!! NEVER!!

*thank you for reading. i am but one voice :( *

Stuff you don't need

i am completing a challenge for 2011....with a twist.

- Get Rid of Stuff You Don't Need

Challenge #19:

I am guilty of keeping stuff with the thought that maybe, ill need it one day. However, after having to sort through my mother's things after her passing who had the same mentality(she had a lot of stuff just sitting there), it was a wake up call for me. I thought: if I'm gone tomorrow, will all these things matter?? With a resounding NO!, I've decided since that time to constantly purge myself from things I didn't need. I'm a bit overdue this year but I plan to do a huge spring cleaning. Hopefully, it be done soon.

Love life

i am completing a challenge for 2011....with a twist.

- Spice Up Your Love Life

Challenge #18:

Seeing that I'm a very single mother, I have taken on this challenge by signing up for an online dating site. It was not easy and I fought the idea for a while believing that I wasn't ready to get back into the dating scene. Then after realizing that it was once again fear holding me back, I went on with the process. Actually, I decided on signing up for two: plentyoffish and blackpeoplemeet. Might even sign up for Okcupid based on one of Rosetta's recommendations. Not sure if it will work being in Canada, but we'll see how that goes. Wish me luck.

Therapist

i am completing a challenge for 2011....with a twist.

- Find a Good Therapist

Challenge #17:

I have been seeing someone professionally on and off for over 10 years now. Unfortunately, different people have crossed my path. It started with my high school guidance counselor and that experience left me very confused. That confusion followed me to my college years and affected my interaction with people, especially boys. During those times, I was also suffering from depression and fighting a sense of "feeling out of place". I have met with social workers, cultural therapists, psychotherapists, and spiritual mentors. The sessions usually reached a level where my situation (or extreme emotional plea) became out of their field, so I would move on to something else. Ultimately, my spirituality would be the healing factor but that extra someone always help. As we speak, I'm trying something new once again, and so far so great. :D

Reflection time part 2

i am completing a challenge for 2011....with a twist.

- Reflect, Comment, and Connect

Challenge #16:

What was the most important thing you learned about yourself this week?

Through these past exercices, I learned that I forgot how to be happy. I mean,

fully appreciating the simple and little things. I also realized that I had

buried certain dreams very very deep and having them resurfaced was a difficult

process. I felt so outdated and full of cobwebs lol. It was like I needed to

catch up with the world instead of accepting where I am right now.

What has been your favorite exercise so far? What did you like about it?

My favorite was writing about the perfect day. I love that it was so simple but

I also felt accomplished. I always say to people: I don't ask for much, but when

I ask, I want (within reason of course lol).

Which exercise did you struggle with the most and why?

I would have to mention two: the Eulogy and the 100 things. I couldn't bring

myself to write about something so final. I feel incomplete in my journey so I'm

not able to narrate about my life like that. Well not yet anyways.

It bothered me a bit that I had to dig so deep and sometimes needed to call up my

younger self to bring up ideas about what made me happy :(.

My eulogy

i am completing a challenge for 2011....with a twist.

- Write Your Own Eulogy

Challenge #15:

We are here to give our final goodbyes to a lovely and caring lady. Living the

majority of her life here and there, here (insert city) is where she called home. As a

consultant of 40 years, she worked hard and played even harder. She traveled and

brought back lessons from each place she visited. Her life was dedicated to

those who needed her, and it all started with her child...(To be continued)

*sorry, but could not finish this...... :(

Perfect Day

i am completing a challenge for 2011....with a twist.

- Imagine Your Perfect Day

Challenge #14:

I wake up and the sun is shining through my window. It's the weekend and I can

tell that it is going to be a beautiful day. I give my morning thanks and do my

morning stretches. I prepare breakfast as the little one wakes up and goes to

wash her face. We sit down and have apple cinnamon tea followed by our hearty

breakfast. We clean up and get ready to go outside. I put a load of laundry to

wash while we shower and put it in the dryer while we get dressed. We head out

to the mall for some errands while watching butterflies under a clear sky. We

come back home with our purchases and she helps me put them away. We make a late

lunch and we enjoy it on the balcony since it's nice. We then decide to either

paint or play a game or do a puzzle or all three lol. I start to prepare supper

while she watches a bit of television. We then grab a snack and walk to the park. While

she plays, I read, write, or sketch. We're there for about an hour before we

head back home. Supper is eaten and after a few minutes, the little one has a

bubble bath and gets ready for bed. I clean up, and settle down in front of the

tv, catching up on my shows and folding clothes. I finish my day with my evening

stretches and my night prayer.

Change for the greater good

I need a change and I don't know where to start. 
I know what I would like to change but I can't figure out where to start. 
Every time I pick a spot to start I feel like I'm missing a piece of the puzzle. 
So I drop that and focus on that missing piece, and as u guessed it, another piece is missing from that part of the puzzle, and turns out to be a never ending circle. 
Now I'm not saying this is for every aspect of my life but it sure feels like it sometimes. 
I'm highly frustrated as I type this because I'm tired of chasing my tail. 
I'm tired of this stagnant position. 
I have stayed here for soooo long. 
I know I deserve so much in life. 
The funny thing though is whenever I feel like this, I keep hearing that divine voice telling me not to worry, that I'm on the right path, that everything is in motion, that things will work out for the greater good, and to continue to have faith. 
I then breathe a sigh of relief and begin to relax and continue to not lose hope.

100 things

i am completing a challenge for 2011....with a twist.

- List 100 Things That Make You Happy

Challenge #13:

1. Flowers
2. A smile
3. God
4. Jesus
5. Dancing
6. Hot weather
7. Praise and worship
8. 50's music
9. Laughter
10. Love
11. Friendship
12. My Blackberry
13. The beach
14. Dresses
15. My nails
16. My hair
17. The color blue
18. Books
19. Plays
20. Alone time
21. Walking
22. A huge hug
23. Jewelry
24. Perfume
25. Hats
26. Pastries
27. A massage
28. Facials
29. Hot chocolate
30. Fruits
31. A clean house
32. Being on time
33. Poetry
34. Writing
35. Painting
36. Stars
37. Rainbows
38. Soca
39. Gospel
40. Reggae
41. Salsa
42. Bachata
43. Sorrel
44. Maubi
45. Caribbean cooking
46. Asian cooking
47. Jumping rope
48. Swings
49. Bubble baths
50. Playing with my daughter
51. Shoes that don't hurt my feet
52. Fresh produce
53. Sales
54. Horses
55. Ducks
56. Penguins
57. Dogs
58. Cotton candy
59. Jelly Belly's
60. Pop Rocks candy
61. Bon Jovi n Aerosmith (90's)
62. Christmas decorations
63. Pillows
64. Fuzzy socks
65. Boat rides
66. Taking a drive
67. Sunsets
68. A clear sky
69. Apple cinnamon (anything)
70. Eyebrow threading
71. Scarfs
72. Smell of fresh cut wood
73. Sorbet
74. Peridot
75. Italian ice cream
76. Waterfalls
77. Steelpan
78. Snow cones
79. Lip gloss
80. Eye shadows
81. Historical buildings
82. Images of lions and tigers
83. Bills paid
84. Children playing
85. Purses
86. Bubble baths
87. Being goofy with my friends
88. Reading my devotionals
89. Festivals
90. Butterflies
91. Sleeping
92. Meeting nice people
93. Sushi
94. Chai tea
95. Martini Asti Champagne
96. Southern Comfort whiskey
97. Appleton Rhum
98. Cocoa butter
99. Jojoba oil
100. Traveling


*this was THE hardest list i EVER had to come up with....nothing is in order of course and some of these might not even make sense....it took me soooooo long to remember what it was that made me happy....how sad is that? sigh. still, glad i got it done.*